The Power–I mean Nonsense–of Yet

2015-02-08 09.40.07I did it. I ran. And it sucked.

I am a big fan of Carol Dweck and the concept of “growth mindset.” She talks about the power of yet (watch the TED talk: http://www.ted.com/talks/carol_dweck_the_power_of_believing_that_you_can_improve?language=en#t-35604). She says if you get a failing grade you feel like you’re nothing. But if you get the grade of “not yet” then you understand that you’re on a learning curve.

I’m not a good runner…yet. Not yet.

I’m not going to lie to you (whoever you are) or myself: This sucks. I don’t like “learning curves.” I don’t like waiting. I’m ok with working hard–I like to work hard. But waiting and trusting the process? Barf.

And somehow I want my children to believe in this theory. Wholeheartedly.

This is what you call a crisis spiritual awakening.

It’s been 8 years since I ran. Over 9 years since I was any good at it. I ran a half marathon. 21.1km. I loved it. It was the best feeling in the world. When I started running about a year before that, I sucked at it. My goal was to run a 10k race someday. I surpassed my goal in one year. How? I worked hard. I put in the hours. I kept running (well, run-walk intervals) even though I sucked at it. And I found community. I found people who wanted the same thing and were roughly at the same point in their journey as I was.

“Owning our story and loving ourselves through that process is the bravest thing that we’ll ever do.” Brene Brown

My story is that I am now at my lowest fitness level and highest weight ever. Rock Bottom. And yet somehow it is freeing to admit and accept that. There is no where to go but up!

I did enjoy my workout. It was only the running part that sucked. Both my feet hurt and it was hard to quiet my mind. Once I moved on to other exercises, I felt my groove come back. It was like deja vu…remembering my YWCA of Vancouver days. The long, leisurely Saturday workouts when my only responsibility was to myself. I felt the joy of exercise.

And for that reason, I will do it again.

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