“it’s scary and I’m gonna do it anyway”

I recently had a discussion with someone about fear. I told him that my fears were scary. And I felt confident that that was a suitable reason to avoid facing them at all costs. “Don’t rock the boat.” “Be grateful for what you have.” Those were the words of my inner critic. However, this guy’s bullshit meter is pretty sensitive. He told me that they were only scary if I said so. He seemed to imply that I had a choice.

Shit.

So I asked myself “Wendy, what is it that you want to do?” I heard a small voice whisper “Take that pelvic floor course. You know, the INTERNAL one.” So I did it. I got myself on the waitlist and a spot came up.

Now taking this course actually required me to face several fears:

1. Driving the 401 during rush hour

2. Driving somewhere I have never been before, in the dark, in the winter (And yes, it snowed)

3. Doing internal evaluations–on my peers no less!

My fears may not be your fears. And they may not seem scary at all. But they are my fears…and this blog is about owning my fears and doing things that are scary to me. Why? Because surrendering to the notion that “it’s scary and I’m gonna do it anyway” is exhilarating. I feel ALIVE! But not only that, it is giving me my life back. I feel like I actually have a say.

Driving highway 6 used to be scary to me–and maybe it still is during a snowstorm–but I choose to do it because the rewards are great. And it has become my time to reflect.

I want to live a courageous life.

So many of my decisions in life have been ruled by fear. I’m changing that. Now.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s